So I’m a bad cook.
No, I mean really bad. I set off not one, but two smoke alarms once making ramen. I blame it on my shitty apartment, but it still implies that I somehow found a way to start water on fire.
To further attempt to demonstrate, here’s a scale I made up of cooking skills.
I have long since surpassed the point where my friends are nervous when I get between them and anything that plugs into an outlet, and as such I don’t have a whole lot further left to go on the scale until I surpass even my low expectations for cooking abilities.
With that out of the way, you can imagine that cooking for me is a big deal.
Usually it doesn’t go all that well…
I haven’t given up yet though, and this week I had one of my first victories.
Armed with naught but a box of spaghetti, my wit, and an empty skillet to beat my opponent senseless, I went on a quest to make pasta.
My opponent was worthy. Hell, he had bested my several times in the past. I poured my pasta into the pan and watched it carefully, skillet at the ready…
Eventually I remembered to add water.
Never once did I give it the satisfaction of catching me off guard though!
After that was done with, the battle raged on!
After a short while, my pasta was defeated. Wary of it however, I waited, to make sure it was dead.
This was my mistake.
This extra time was just what my spaghetti needed to rise again and attempt to finish me!
You know what I did then?
I ate it. I ate the whole damn thing.
It wasn’t good, I didn’t really enjoy it, but I won.
Raising my skillet in victory, I won.
About an hour later I remembered I had tried to make garlic bread too. I had forgotten to turn the oven on anyways, so it wasn’t a big loss. I ended up just eating the bread without actually baking it. Better than the spaghetti actually.